The power of a Good Appropriate HUG

The month of September is now an emotional month for me. It was the anniversary of my mom’s death. September 10, 2019, was the day she took her last breath. I am not sure why I call it an anniversary; it is not an event I wish to celebrate or even wanted to have. One of the many things I am missing most about not having my mom are the ‘mom hugs’.

Growing up our family hugged appropriately, like when leaving the house or returning from being away. It wasn’t an everyday thing. I am not sure we hugged at bedtime like I do before my kids reluctantly go upstairs to bed.

It is the one of many things I now regret with losing my mom.  I should have hugged her more and I really miss her hugs now that she is gone. I once read that young kids need at least 12 hugs a day. I think that was it. Maybe I have that number wrong as I seems a bit much? Unless it is talking about the baby/toddler age. Surely my 11-year-old would have a huge issue if I asked for a hug every hour on the hour. Hahahaha

When my mom was in hospital it had been a few stressful, emotional days. My sister had some good friends stop by with food and coffee for us. As my sister’s friend was leaving she asked if she could hug me. There in the lobby of the hospital, with tears in my eyes, she gave me and my sister a hug before leaving. Seemed to anyone there just a normal thing you could see given the circumstances. However, that hug then turned into a moment I will never forget. As I turned to the elevator to go back up to the 6th floor (a floor I would never like to return to again) a woman said, “excuse me”. I turned to see a woman standing in front of me, appearing tired and like me just emotionally, physically done. She then explained that her husband is on the 5th floor and has been there for just over a week, she has not left his side or had any family/friends that had been able to come and visit. She just needed a hug also. I wrapped my arms around her and for the few seconds, no words were shared, we both had tears in our eyes. She then took a deep breath and we both smiled. That smile was the first real smile I had in days.

Below is the write-up I did for my personal Facebook page this past weekend. If you have a mom, (with permission) give her a hug as you never know when it will be your last. If you have kids, (with permission) give them many hugs!  Don’t be the first one to let go. Hold onto that as long as they will let you!

Today is not a holiday, no big birthdays or any other reason for our family to celebrate. But today is a day that for us just makes us stop. It’s a day for comfy clothing, ordering take out, bringing out the photo albums, and restocking the Kleenex boxes.

For us, on this day, the world just stops. It’s been four years since we lost our mom. This day doesn’t get harder, it doesn’t get easier either. It’s just that, the in between.

Today I woke up at exactly the time my mom took her last breath. My body, mind and heart remember every little detail of that moment like a video in slow motion.

 Here’s a little story of hope and love in the midst of sadness for you, if you need that today.

 This week I found it difficult leading up to today. A few nights ago, I mentioned to Brian that I miss getting a ‘mom hug’. A hug that just makes you feel safe, loved and cared for.

I get them still from a loving, beautiful mother-in-law, from family and girlfriends that just know when I need that little bit of extra love. And I cherish them, my heart melts in them.

I just miss my mom’s hugs. The smell of her perfume, the feel of her turtleneck sweaters on my cheek.

I also have been thinking this week about butterflies. I have another long, beautiful story about butterflies from the time we were with mom. The two weeks of being beside her til her last breath. It was my faith, my love for something bigger after death that kept me going.

So yesterday I was at work, and it was busy from the moment I opened. The store was packed and in walked a customer that’s been shopping since her now university kids were very little. She had just finished a medical road to recovery and was telling me about how she doesn’t take anything for granted.

As we were talking, a huge dragonfly flew into the store and around our heads then flew out the door like it’s been there many times. She then said, “I think those things are a sign that our loved ones in heaven are good”. I started crying. Like full crying.

Explaining what tomorrow was, she then came around the corner to me and gave me the biggest MOM HUG.

While, more than a dozen or so people, are shopping in the store and life was carrying on, there we were hugging and crying.

After work I came home and was Face Timing my sister telling her all about this. Brian, my husband, was watching the Blue Jay game on tv. As I was telling her about the dragonfly Brian paused the game. A dragonfly flew into of the Blue Jays camera, and they got a beautiful picture of it. Right there in front of us.

We miss her, deeply and unconditionally. We just want her back. Today is remembering her. The good, the hardest day, even when it’s filled with love, unexpected moments, laughs and pockets of joy. Because we still have reflections of her life and love all around us.